black forest sourdough 🍒

She’s ultra chocolatey, lightly sweet and beautifully tart– a perfect vessel for sweet and savory alike.

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what Lu wrote yesterday: Thank you Paola for your brilliant ideas, and hope you are embarking on a safe and well new chapter of your journey.

what I’m saying: thank you Lu (and every single one of you) for sending good vibes, when well… I wasn’t exactly vibe-ing.

So what happened since we last spoke? You know, since I had to unceremoniously move out of my home. And, vip, what happened since I subsequently took that large (ego-death) dose of psilocybin a couple months back?

🙃

This past year has been the definition of surreal and I’ve just spent a few days again writing and re-writing this intro (which I know is mostly because, “death eater business” aside, I’ve felt the need to go through the health struggles I’ve encountered over the past couple years in private)(as while some heal by sharing in community and advocating with their stories, this time around, for a million and one reasons, all I wanted to do was sulk privately under the comfort of my weighted blanket)(and with the cuddles of my fur babies).

You see, last summer it became clear that I’ve a form of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome– in essence a connective tissue disorder which affects the skin, joints and blood vessels, and the way it supports and protects other tissues and organs in the body (interestingly highly linked to autism and adhd). And while depending on the subtype its not a death sentence at all, overall the life expectancy of someone with autism and EDS is estimated to stand at just 38 years old (particularly if both go undiagnosed)(but worry not, this becomes a happy story).

Now, which subtype I personally have is still tbd as I do have a history of some organ disfunction (and this matters as some types require closer medical monitoring, so I’m still due to see a geneticist). But said pending diagnosis explains pretty much everything I’ve struggled with throughout my life and how trauma manifested in my body, including: early onset neuropathy (a few years back I couldn’t hold my camera without arm braces), a very high number of recurrent injuries (from muscle tears to dislocations aplenty), to changing food allergies (as mast cell activation syndrome is a comorbidity)(so partly why I’d a Celiac’s misdiagnosis), to dysautonomia, and more.

But said dysautonomia (defined as a nervous system disorder that disrupts autonomic body processes) would become the most concerning symptom last year, as it became clear that I was experiencing a total lack of ability to regulate as I went about my daily activities– say my heart rate would jump to 150 bpm for pretty much any activity and, vip, would consistently stay around 130-170 bpm for the duration of said activity (in fact, my dog Tito was the one who picked up on it first two summers ago when it started worsening)(took everyone else, myself included, months to catch up).

So going on a light walk… to even eating a meal or taking a shower became a literal marathon for my body. And this began eating away at my executive function (which is when those of us who are autistic experience loss of skills, being verbal in my case (both spoken and written)– as effectively I was in deep burnout).

The bottom line?

It became clear in February how much worse I was getting… and rapidly. Particularly the weeks after I sent you guys the sourdough starters (as I had to use more verbal skills, both spoken and written, than I had in months)(and I failed miserably– as my heart rate would also jump to the 150 bpm range while being verbal)(so daily life became marathon after marathon, and my body just wasn’t coping).

Honestly?

This was far scarier than any of our pending “death eater business”, as it also became clear that there wasn’t much Western medicine could do for me (as we all know worsening autism is something no one really understands)(and, well, there are plenty of us with various forms of dysautonomia post COVID, most notably POTS, and there’s similar head scratching going on there).

(and this is an important disclaimer of what happens next in our story and why I made the choices that I made– I was seemingly f*cked either way, as there’s no conventional medicine nor procedure to treat what I had)(i.e. this is a very real disclaimer to not make the same choices that I made- as taking a large dose of psilocybin while under a distressed mental state can go horribly wrong, for its the definition of poor set and setting)(and psychosis is a very real side effect of improper usage, and it must not be taken lightly).

still.

I weighed my choices (finding myself in a motel, in the middle of a medical emergency with an endless string of medical appointments which, well, realistically weren’t actually going to solve anything in the end), so it was a risk I was ultimately very much willing to take– for desperate times call for desperate measures.

But life is funny sometimes, as years back I’d curiously heard that under distress is exactly when pre-Hispanic cultures would most turn to the magic mushroom– for guidance and healing. And my curious mind at this point simply wondered what would happen (and deeply hoped for a miracle, tbh). So as I walked out of the Church of Entheogenic Plants in Oakland, plant medicine in hand, I was oddly calmly confident about the stupid choice I making.

(vip disclaimer two: I’m also someone with a lot of experience with these substances by now, and fully aware that there’s only one choice to make while under said state: total surrender, no matter what you encounter).

“If you don't become the ocean, you'll be seasick every day.” Leonard Cohen very rightfully said.

And while I’ll leave exactly what I encountered during those next six hours that evening for our following chapters, I’ll gladly share a spoiler of what’s happened over the following two months: all trace of dysautonomia went away, and I’ve been able to gradually build up on my verbal skills (both spoken and written).

In fact, this is not just me saying so– for my body stats (as calculated by Whoop) have all been doing funny things since (yes, I will go into detail). But effectively while performing daily light activities such as walks, cooking, showering etc my average heart rate is now around 90 bpm as opposed to 150-170.

And yes, it happened overnight:

before and after: the same 30 minute “light walk” 🚶‍♀️

So welcome to this next stage in food (for thought) were we rewind the clock to the summer of 2022 (before I really took a turn for the worse), and I start by keeping my promise to take y’all on an adventure with me down to Mexico, where I’ve set up a few things that might be of interest to many of you.

i.e. I’m taking those of you who are willing on this mother of an existential crisis (invitation is open to all, but you know who you are)(as a penchant for more and an open mind are clearly required)(and a good pinch of desperation to change the way we exist in this world doesn’t hurt either, tbch).

And what exactly will we find?

Like any good trip, we won’t know until we take the plunge– but as I’m already finding (because I’m already south of the border)(welcome to our Baja chapter), the magic might just be in the journey and not the destination.

For this really is a story where truth is stranger than fiction 🪄🍄

A story where I’ve turned to these so-dubbed “magic substances” in times of utter distress, and found that immense healing is possible. For it turns out our bodies really are working for us, they just need a little guidance (arguably, a little magic).

And if you’re on the conservative side and wondering right about now why (on Earth!)(lol) I would be so keen to share this story so publicly.

The answer is simple: because I would quite literally burn in hell (think Hades deep) if I where to show up here and tell you that I healed from the dysautonomia, early onset neuropathy, chronic nerve pain, fibromyalgia, cPTSD, worsening autism, etc thanks to sourdough.

Literally burn in hell.

But also: sourdough.

Because as we’re finding (given the steep rise in colon cancer, particularly amongst the young population), a diet rich in fermented foods and free of preservatives really is important.

Why?

Yet another simple answer: our gut microbiome is way (way) more important to all our bodily functions than we thought. Turns out we’re meant to live symbiotically with the little sourdough starters within us (because they really are just that, a perfect combo of bacteria and yeast that is meant to make us thrive).

And a great part of keeping a healthy microbiome is through complex carbs (and given the way humans have eaten for literal millennia… preferably fermented)(for fermentation was the natural way in which we preserved food for longer)(i.e. living symbiotically with our environment).

(side note: its also important to note that research has found that how your own gut microbiome thrives is very personal– say some thrive eating more complex carbs, while others interestingly really do excel in complete carnivore diets)(so how do you know which you are? your body literally tells you by making you feel well)

So black forest sourdough it is today– because summer is just a stone throw away, and celebrating its abundance is good for both body and soul. I hope you enjoy this beauty!

Speak very soon.

xo! Paola

and for ✨the magic touch✨

Hydrating your dough via a Guinness beer adds a bunch of depth to the chocolate (bonus points: it makes for a lovely ‘n ultra bubbly fermentation)(i.e. try out fermenting your sourdough with a beer at least once in your life pretty pls).

That said, if you prefer to go down the classic spring water route fear not– for here are a couple things to spiff up your dough: bring your water to a boil and use it to bloom your cocoa (just make sure its back at room temp before adding in your starter!!), and add a teaspoon of blackstrap molasses (or instant coffee) for that added depth.

black forest sourdough (i.e. cherry & dark chocolate) 🍒

she’s ultra chocolatey, lightly sweet and beautifully tart– a perfect vessel for sweet and savory alike.

To scale to however many loafs you want (or 1 loaf in grams)

ingredients

80% (400g) spring water (or, better yet, use a Guinness beer for the hydration)*

10% (50g) cocoa (Valrhona will forever be my favorite)

10% (50g) raw honey

6% (30g) cane sugar

1 teaspoon blackstrap molasses (totally optional, but ads depth and that umami punch)

20% (100g) active sourdough starter

100% (500g) unbleached bread flour*

2% (10g) fine sea salt

+ 2/3 cup cherry jam (go for a sour variety if you can), 70% chocolate chunks and dried cherries (you know, as fresh cherries tend to get soggy baked into breads)

feed your starter

1. Add roughly 50g of flour to feed your starter (you want 100g of active starter for the recipe).

2. Add enough spring water (you don’t want filtered, you really do want the added minerals) until the dough resembles a thick pancake batter. Generally 50g of water/50 g of flour (i.e. a 100% ratio) is enough to get the consistency right (but if you're dealing with warmer temperatures you may want to do just 70% to have a more stable starter).

3. Allow to rest for 3-6 hours in a warm(ish) place: until it doubles in size. You can test for prime activity fairly well either using the float test (as it sounds: check if your starter floats in a little water) or the burn test (tap your starter on the counter to “break the surface”, light a match and if it blows out it means your starter is using up all the oxygen in the surrounding area i.e. it’s sourdough time).

3-6 hours later: make your dough

1. Add beer (or piping hot water) to a large bowl and dissolve the cocoa, honey, cane sugar and blackstrap molasses (if using). And vip: if using hot water, add in your active starter only once your mixture has come back to room temp.

2. Add in the flour and salt and mix with your hands until just combined and the dough is all shaggy (and sticky).

3. Cover with a kitchen towel and let it rest for 30 minutes.

30 mins later: bulk rise (plus stretch ‘n folds)

1. Thirty minutes in you’ll want to do a set of “stretch ‘n folds”: grab a hold of the dough, stretch it upwards and fold it down towards the center of the bowl. Rotate and repeat four times (you can watch me do it here).

2. Repeat about three more times every thirty minutes. Now, how many “stretch ‘n folds” to do is something that varies according to the flour and add-ins your using (say I typically find that it takes two to three sets when incorporating cocoa into a dough, while you can typically get away with even just one set with a standard white bread flour loaf).

3. Transfer to a smaller bowl (preferably a straight edged one as it’s easier to gauge the rise if you can actually mark it with a sharpie) and cover with a kitchen towel.

4. Allow to rest for 4-10 hours, or until at least doubled in size (remember that time here is directly influenced by temperature so it’ll vary greatly)

   p.s. I generally let mine go until it almost tripes, as I find slightly overproofed loaves much easier to digest)(bonus: the crumb is softer as much of the gluten breaks down)(so bonus bonus: no razor sharp edges thus no bleeding gums) 🤝

4-10 hours later: shape

1. Lightly flour your working surface, turn the dough out and stretch it out gently (allow it to rest for 10 minutes if it “feels” like it’s resisting)(you’ll know, trust me!). Stretch it out, spread a generous amount of you cherry jam and sprinkle your chocolate chunks and dried cherries throughout, fold the sides in (repeat the jam and add-ins), and roll it gently but tightly. Be careful to avoid rolling it too much (i.e. the one loaf where I’m instructing you to not care too much about creating surface tension), as your cherry jam layer might break through.

2. Transfer to a (very well floured or lined) banneton, cover with a kitchen towel, place inside a plastic bag and refrigerate for 12-72 hours (depending on how long you want to proof it for).

3. Or allow to proof at room temperature for about 2 more hours, until it springs back to touch (you literally want to poke it gently, and if it springs back you know you’re golden)(though if it springs back too quickly it’s actually under-proofed)(and, you may’ve guessed it, if it doesn’t spring back at all you’re now over-proofed). i.e. this is why baking a few loafs and poking them around throughout various stages is highly suggested.

bake away!

1. Preheat oven to 450°F/230°C with your Dutch oven inside for 20 minutes (some peeps bake at a lower temperature, say 420°F, it depends a bit on your oven).

2. Score loaf in order to allow it to expand evenly (and create a beautiful “ear”). Knifes don’t quite work here, a razor blade really is prime.

3. Bake lid on for 30 minutes, remove lid and bake for 20 more minutes or until deeply golden brown (if you tap it on the bottom it’ll also sound hollow)(but do note that I do like to add an extra 10 minutes baking time with lid on to any loaf in general that has added fruit or jam).

4. Allow to cool pretty much completely if you want it at its best– but a good hour will do if you simply can’t hold your horses (and you don’t want to wreck your crumb).

5. p.s. my best suggestion for storing your sourdough is to simply keep it in your bread or Dutch oven (but investing in a bread tin is neat too)

6. p.p.s. do serve with a generous pad of salted butter (and arguably more cherry jam), or perhaps indulge by going the extra mile with some clotted cream and fresh cherries atop (and might sound weird but a good drizzle of olive oil and balsamic glaze takes this one up a notch)… but surprisingly enough, my favorite sandwich with this loaf ended up being one with smoked honey jam and pickled jalapeños (think salty, sweet, savory, smokey and spicy– hitting all your taste buds at once 🤑🤑🤑).